“No words can express how thankful our family is for both my husband’s care during his battle with MND and for the care and support shown to us following his death. Bereavement was not as I expected it to be. I sort of expected the sadness, tears, loneliness, numbness, anger and the mountain of paperwork.
What came as a surprise was the extent of the physical pain; the searing hollowness gnawing at my very core, the extreme lethargy, lack of sleep, the fear, lack of confidence and the brain fog. I also found myself asking myself over and over again who I was. I had been a carer for a long time and I felt I’d lost myself. As the months passed, I forced myself to exercise, walk, swimming and eat as healthily as I could but my appetite for both food and life had gone.
I visited my family and got consolation seeing them getting on with their lives but was wary of going to new places and meeting new people. I contacted Helen at East Cheshire Hospice to ask if there was any bereavement counselling and was told of a pilot walk and talk counselling course in Macclesfield Forest.”
“I accepted a place on the course and then started to worry I’d done the wrong thing. I practiced the drive to and from Macclesfield Forest the week before as I am not a confident driver and wanted to check out where I would park, where the planned meeting place was, how long it would take to get there.
On the first day I drove and got there half an hour early. I sat in the car and felt I couldn’t go through with meeting strangers and nearly drove off. I forced myself to get out of the car to meet Helen and the other bereaved attending the course.
The first session was mainly admin, health and safety instructions, etc. The second session was where we got to talk to each other but there was no pressure to talk, if we preferred to walk silently or just listen that was OK.
If I’d sat around a table at a counselling session, I think I might have had that creeping and encroaching dread when it was my turn to talk.”
“By sessions 3 and 4 we were getting to know each other and share our feelings, how our week had panned out. Some things we didn’t want to burden our family with but felt more comfortable confiding in others going through the same thing – I was acutely aware my family had lost their father/grandfather/cousin/friend and they had their own bereavement process to endure so I tried to put on a brave face for them and not let on how hard I was finding it – but with others who had lost their life partners/husband/wife it was easier to share our feelings.
By the 6th and final session, I had begun to look forward to going and to meeting the others on the course. One participant suggested we all continue meeting once the course had finished and I volunteered to set up a WhatsApp Group and arrange the meetings.”
“Some of our group continued to meet several times for a walk around Shakely Mere followed by a coffee in a nearby café. I enjoyed the meetings, the walks and the talks. We also kept in contact by phone and WhatsApp and continued with our mutual support group.
I began to feel I was coping with life, started to laugh more and look forward to things. I enjoyed looking after my grandchildren. I started planning for the future and enjoying life: travelling solo to see family in Canada, buying new clothes, art gallery and cinema visits, rejoining U3A and NWR groups, recommencement of hobbies such as writing and ancestry research and undertaking some voluntary work.
The walk and talk sessions in Macclesfield Forest were a significant part in my healing through bereavement. I really hope the sessions can continue and others can benefit from these sessions in the way I have.”
To find out more about Adult Therapy at East Cheshire Hospice, please visit our Adult Therapy webpage.
